Mid-Mid Life Crisis

I’ve heard of a mid life crisis occurring when you hit your 40’s. You realize how old you are, buy a red convertible, dye your graying hair some unforeseen color and jump out of an airplane to get your young blood pumping. Crisis averted, check! But no one ever told me about the mid-mid life crisis that happens when you hit 25. It’s the kind of breakdown a red convertible can’t fix. I know, seems impossible. But it’s true. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel old and I still look like a highschool freshman- just ask the 18 year old that asked me to prom, he knows. But when I turned 25 a shift took place. I realized I didn’t have a clear understanding of my purpose and thus began my journey to re-evaluate what I truly wanted out of life.

I love dreaming and being ambitious. I’m an entrepreneur through and through. I’m an idea girl and I love to inspire others. I’ve written books, I run my own business and I am devoted to making a difference in this world. But what does it all equate to? At the end of my life, what will I look back on? Will I exhale with the satisfaction of a life well spent and not squandered? I used to think the answer to this question was determined by how much good I did in the world. And not just any good, Christian good cause that’s the holiest kind of good there is, right? Wrong. Then I thought the answer must be in how much time we spend with our families and the satisfaction that comes with our most important relationships. Surely this would cap me off on my deathbed knowing that I selflessly cared for my family. But something about that solution also felt empty. What then is the answer? When does chasing my dreams lead me to fulfillment? What makes any of this worth anything?

I just got back from spending two weeks in San Diego working at a Christian Surf Camp for kids. Our days were jammed with fun- tons of surfing, savage games of dodgeball, unspeakable pranks and way too much pizza. It was epic and probably the greatest weeks of my 2016! Why? Because I captured something at camp that I have been searching for this entire year. My mid-mid life crisis finally came to a halt as I experienced a fulfilled purpose beyond my understanding. Each day I marveled at how God could take something as futile as surfing and fill it with His purpose for kids who desperately needed it- myself included.

Something happened at camp that unveiled the truth. I found my answer and it wasn’t in surfing or any of my dreams. It was in the pure presence of God that brimmed over into every surf session, conversation, and worship service. I discovered that fulfillment isn’t in chasing after success, monetarily or relationally. Fullness is found in God’s presence- period. Anything we do with our lives will be purposeful out of the overflow of being in His presence, even surfing. God will take our passions, multiply them with His purposes and satisfy our souls if we would just live continuously in His presence. It’s something I really can’t explain or find words to summarize, but I know I’ll spend the rest of my life doing my best to share it. Crisis averted, check!

I close my eyes and imagine my life before me. I don’t have it all figured out, but I can see one common thread of purpose woven into the tapestry of my legacy leading up to my final breath. As the decades fold into each other and my wrinkles set into the corners of my eyes, I can picture a smile of satisfaction on my face. A smile instigated by wrestling my anxious thoughts and fears during a mid-mid life crisis when I looked like a character out of teen beach movie. I will look back at all of my dreams, all of my failures, all of my relationships and because of the life I lived in His presence I’ll know, it was all worth it. 

Fearless Co.

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